There is nothing romantic about someone who refuses to leave you alone. In fact, it is not only frightening
— it is a crime.
According to the American Psychological Association, stalking is defined as:
“A pattern of following or observing a person in an obsessional, intrusive, or harassing manner. The pursued individual is typically a partner from a failed intimate relationship but may also be a mental health care provider, a public figure (see: erotic delusion), or another person of interest to the stalker. Stalking may involve direct threats, the intent to cause distress or bodily harm, and interpersonal violence. In the United States, laws against stalking vary from state to state. See also: domestic violence; intimate partner violence.”
In simpler terms, stalking is repeated, unwanted contact or surveillance by one individual towards another. It is a persistent and deliberate violation of someone’s privacy, space, and peace of mind.
Typologies of Stalkers
Mullen et al. (2000) offer one of the most widely recognised typologies in their study, A Study of Stalkers:
- The Rejected Stalker: Motivated by rejection (e.g. break-up, divorce, dismissal), this individual attempts to reverse or avenge the rejection. Their behaviour is often rooted in a need to regain control or reassert power over the former partner.
- The Resentful Stalker: Acts out of grievance or perceived injustice. Their primary aim is to cause fear and distress in the victim.
- The Intimacy Seeker: Believes they are destined to be in a loving relationship with the victim, often convinced they are soulmates. Delusions of intimacy drive their behaviour.
- The Incompetent Suitor: Seeks a date or short-term relationship but lacks the social skills or understanding of boundaries. Their behaviour may be linked to cognitive limitations, autism spectrum disorders, or intellectual disability.
- The Predatory Stalker: Observes and follows their victim in order to prepare for an attack, which is often of a sexual nature. This type poses a high risk of physical harm.
Why Do Stalkers Stalk?
According to Keith E. Davis (2006, p. 329), stalkers are typically motivated by one or more of the following:
- A desire for revenge following perceived mistreatment or rejection
- The pursuit of unrequited love
- A desire to humiliate or degrade the victim (even when no mistreatment has occurred)
Davis further notes that “the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour” (p. 330). Many stalkers exhibit traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and struggle to accept rejection — often interpreting it as a challenge, which only intensifies their efforts.
Common Misconceptions
It is a myth that stalking only occurs after a romantic relationship.
It is a myth that stalking only happens to celebrities.
It is a myth that only men stalk women.
The truth is: stalking can happen to anyone — regardless of gender, age, background, or social status. Victims may include co-workers, casual acquaintances, clients, neighbours, former partners, or complete strangers. In some cases, stalkers have never even met their victims in person.
Behaviours That May Constitute Stalking Include:
- Repeated, unwanted phone calls, texts, emails, or social media messages
- Sending unsolicited gifts or letters
- Constantly following or surveilling the victim
- Showing up uninvited at the victim’s home, workplace, or public spaces
- Damaging property or interfering with personal belongings
- Using identity theft to gain access to private information
- Cyberstalking – monitoring or harassing via digital means
- Spying, loitering, or using third parties to track someone’s movements
Stalking is rarely a one-off incident. It is a pattern of behaviour, where each individual act may seem minor, but when taken together, creates a deeply disturbing and threatening picture.
The Impact on Victims
The effects of stalking can be severe and far-reaching, including:
- Physical health: insomnia, fatigue, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, heart palpitations
- Psychological health: anxiety, depression, paranoia, PTSD, panic attacks, flashbacks
- Social impact: withdrawal from friends and family, social isolation
- Occupational and educational impact: poor performance, job loss, dropping out of education
- Lifestyle disruption: relocation, heightened security, changes in routine
Stalking erodes a victim’s sense of safety and autonomy. As Lamber Royakkers (2006) succinctly puts it:
“Stalking is a form of mental assault, in which the perpetrator repeatedly, unwantedly, and disruptively breaks into the life-world of the victim, with whom they have no relationship (or no longer have).”
- Trust your instincts — if something feels wrong, it probably is
- Keep records of incidents: messages, voicemails, sightings, photos of damage, etc.
- Inform the police and seek legal advice
- Strengthen your privacy settings online and avoid sharing your location
- Reach out to local support services or domestic violence charities
Remember: this is not your fault. You are entitled to feel safe, respected, and left alone. Stalking is a crime — and it should be treated as such.
To report a stalker
https://www.gov.uk/report-stalker
Please call 999 if you or someone else is in immediate danger. Contact your local police if it’s not an emergency
National Stalking Helpline
Telephone: 0808 802 0300
Monday to Friday, 9:30am to 4pm (except Wednesday 1pm to 4pm)
